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urukundo

Ibimenyetso simusiga bizakwereka ko wafashwe n’ikibatsi cy’urukundo.

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Amwe mu marangamutima benshi bananirwa gusobanura hazamo URUKUNDO. Guhura n’umuntu mushya, yaba ari uwabahuje (ab’ubu babyita gutanga passe), mwaba mumenyaniye ku mbuga nkoranyambaga cyangwa mu ishuri no mu kazi, ukumva muri wowe hari ibyiyumvo bikuzamutsemo ndetse ukagira zimwe mu mpinduka wibonaho zidasanzwe, ni urukundo kandi ruza igihe rushatse, rugwa ku wo rushatse, rimwe na rimwe ugakunda ukarira, ubundi ukagirango urimo amadayimoni ndetse hakaba n’uwakubwira ko warwaye ikigatura.

Abahanga bagiye bakora ubushakashatsi bunyuranye nuko bahuriza hamwe ingingo zizakwereka ko koko wafashwe n’ikibatsi cy’urukundo kandi rwose koko umutima ukunda ntiwihishira.

Reka muri iyi nkuru tuvuge ku ngingo zirindwi zizakubwira ko burya nawe wamaze gukunda.

1. Ububabare buragabanyuka bwaba ubwo ku mubiri cyangwa mu ntekerezo.

Nubwo uba utazi ngo bizarangira bite ariko iyo urukundo rukiri rushyashya rutuma utumva uburibwe.

Ubushakashatsi bwasohotse mu kinyamakuru the New York Times, bwakozwe n’abashakashatsi bo muri Stanford University bwagaragaje ko urukundo ari umwe mu miti yarwanya ububabare kuko rutuma ubwonko butabasha kubwumva.

Ubu bushakashatsi bwerekanye ko ku bantu 40% barebye ifoto y’uwo bakunda byatumye batongera kumva uburibwe bworoheje (nko kuribwa umutwe cyangwa umunaniro, no kubabara mu nda) naho 15% byatumye batumva uburibwe bukomeye (nk’ubuza nyuma yo gushya cyangwa gukora impanuka idakabije cyane ariko nanone ikomeye).

2. Umera nk’umusinzi.

Burya nimusohokana wanywa rimwe ukumva ryakugezemo, riba rirengana ahubwo ni ibyiyumviro, amarangamutima biba bigusindishije.

Nkuko CNN ibivuga iyo uri mu rukundo hakorwa umusemburo wa oxytocin ku bwinshi nuko ukagutera kwisanzura, kwirekura ndetse no kudatinya ibi bikaba bikunze kuranga abatangiye gusinda. Abashakashatsi bo muri Birmingham university bagaragaje ko nubwo alukolo na oxytocin bitaba mu gace kamwe k’ubwoonko ariko inagruka zabyo kuwo biriho zirangana. Ndetse oxytoxin uko izamuka ituma ukora ibidasanzwe cyane cyane iyo uri hafi y’uwo wihebeye (uzabimenya neza hagize ikibi cyenda kumubaho uko ubyitwaramo).

3. Unanirwa kuvuga.

Uku kunanirwa kuvuga hazamo kudedemanga ndetse no gusobwa kuvuga bikanga, ukabura amagambo ukoresha. Niba wagirango biterwa na epinephrine burya wibeshyaga kuko ntiyizamura ahubwo ni urukundo rutuma bikubaho cyane cyane iyo uwo ukunda akugezeho agutunguye bikaba akarusho agusanze mu bantu benshi.

4. Ubira ibyuya

Nibyo iyo uwo ukunda akuri hafi mu biganza no mu birenge haratutubikana ndetse hari n’abatemba amazi pee.

Nkuko tubikesha Thenakedscientists.com urukundo rukora kuri monoamines ibi bikaba ibinyabutabire byohereza ubutumwa mu bice binyuranye by’umubiri nuko bigatuma aho umubiri urangirira (intoki n’ibirenge) habira ibyuya. Niba ushaka kumenya ko nawe rwamuzonze, nibikubaho uzamukore mu biganza wumve uko iwe bimeze.

5. Iyo umubonye bitunguranye uyoberwa niba umusuhuza cyangwa wiruka.

Wenda muhuriye mu nzira cyangwa se umubonye ahantu utacyekaga. Utangira kwibaza uti ese musuhuze nkomeze ibyanjye cyangwa nigendere n’ubundi ntiyambonye? Ibi wibaza ni ukubera urukundo rwakubujije amahwemo kuko rudahari ntiwabyibazaho.

Nkuko tubibona muri Cosmopolitan , urukundo rugushyira mu gihe kimeze nk’icya stress; mbese nka cya gihe ubona ugeze ku iteme ukibaza niba uryambuka cyangwa unyerera ukagwamo. Gusa hano tukugiriye inama jya ugenda umugwemo niyo mutatindana akanyamuneza uzahakura kazagusunika amasaha.

6. Nta gusonza

Bajya bavuga ngo abageni baba barebana akana ko mu jisho nuko bakibagirwa kurya. Si bo gusa burya n’undi wese waguye mu nyanja y’urukundo ibyo kurya nta gaciro biba bifite imbere ye aka ya ndirimbo ngo siribateri ntakirya ntakiryama asigaye atunzwe n’ifoto y’uwo akunda.

Urubuga eHarmony rugaragaza ko ibimenyetso bya mbere by’uko winjiye mu rukundo harimo ikizibakanwa kitazanywe n’ubundi burwayi ahubwo gitewe nuko ibitekerezo byibereye ahandi, ku wo wakunze. Niyo muri kumwe, kurya no kunywa nta gaciro mubiha ahubwo ibiganiro biba bihagije kandi mukumva muranyuzwe.

Ubu bushakashasti gusa igitangaje bwerekana koi bi bishobora gutera gutakaza ibiro ariko noneho bikongera ubushake bwo gukora imibonano kandi bigatera kurangiza bitakugoye.

7. Uruhu rwo mu maso ruracya

Iyo wageze mu rukundo usubira ibwana, isura igacya, wakisiga amavuta noneho akagufata. Erega n’iminkanyari iragabanyuka kuko uba uhora mu munezero. Ni ho bahera bavuga ko umukobwa wari waragumiwe iyo abonye umugabo ahita atemba itoto

Nkuko Self ibivuga, urukundo rutuma imiyoboro y’amaraso yaguka nuko intungamubiri ndetse na oxygen bigatembera neza kandi ku bwinshi bigatera umubiri guhorana itoto.

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urukundo

Ibintu wakorera umukunzi wawe akaba atakwigera arota kuguca inyuma

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Muri iyi myaka ingo nyinshi zikunze gusenyuka bitewe n’ubwumvikane buke buri hagati y’abashakanye, burimo guhora mu ntonganya z’urudaca, kuba umwe mu bashakanye yarabaswe n’ingeso runaka nk’ubusinzi, gucana inyuma n’ibindi{…}.

Kugira ngo ibi byose byirindwe mu muryango, hari ibintu bitandukanye abashakanye bashobora gukora bigatuma umubano wabo uhora ari mushya mu maso yabo.

Hagati aho twabateguriye ibikorwa umugabo ashobora gukorera umugore we, bigatuma umugore amukunda ndetse bigatuma gucana inyuma hagati yabo biba umuziririzo.

1.Igihe uri kumwe n’umugore wawe mufate ku rutugu, umurebe mu maso na we akurebe, mumare nk’iminota ibiri mutavuga, ubone umubwire ko umukunda nibiba ngombwa unamusome utamuteguje mbese umutunguye.

2.Abagabo bakunda kugira akazi kenshi ariko burya umugore akunda umugabo ushakisha byibura iminota mike akajya ahantu hatari urusaku hanyuma ukamuhamagara ukamwerekako umutekereza ukanamubwira ijambo “ndagukunda” kandi “ndakwemera.”

3.Gerageza gukorera umugore wawe ibintu bimwereka ko harimo ubwitange ariko wirinde kumubwira ko witanze. Wowe bikore, hanyuma we abibone utarinze kubimubwira.

4.Ujye ukorana gahunda zimwe na zimwe n’umugore wawe nko kujyana gusenga, kureba film, umupira , gusura abantu n’ibindi bitandukanye.

5.Jya wibuka amatariki umugore wawe afata nk’ingirakamaro mu buzima bwe nk’itariki ye y’amavuko, iy’umubatizo we, umunsi w’umutagatifu we n’izindi kandi umwereke ko wabyibutse.

6.Jya ufata igihe utemberane n’umugore wawe ndetse mube mwahitamo no kutarara mu rugo mujye ahantu kure y’aho mutuye mufate nka hotel, ubundi ahasigaye mwiyibutse ibyo mwakoraga byose kera mutarabana.

7.Kora ubushakashatsi ku mugore wawe, umenye umwenda akunda muyo ufite hanyuma ube ari wo wambara igihe cyose muri kumwe.

8.Mu gihe uri kumwe n’mugore wawe mu rugo musange mu gikoni mutegurane ifunguro. Urugero nk’umureti, agafiriti, gukaranga ubunyobwa n’ibindi. Ibi rero ngo biramushimisha kabone n’iyo mwateka ibitaryoshye.

9.Jya ukunda guha impano umugore wawe akenshi ndetse wibande kuzihendutse cyane rwose kandi ujye ureba iyo atatekerezaga ko wamuha.

10.Igihe cyose uri kumwe n’mugore wawe, jya ugerageza kumubwira mu ijwi ryoroheje ndetse akenshi nujya kumubwira akantu gasekeje cg se k’ibanga ujye ukoresha kumwongorera, ngo kuko ibi bituma yumva ibizongamubiri n’itandukaniro riri hagati yawe n’abandi.

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urukundo

Ibintu iby’ingenzi ugomba kwirinda gukora niba ushaka kuryoherwa no gutera akabariro mu buryo busesuye.

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Mu rwego rwo gushimisha no koryoherwa n’icyo gikorwa hari ibintu ukwiye kwirinda, bimwe muri byo:

1.Irinde kunywa inzoga n’itabi:

ugomba kwirinda inzoga n’itabi niba wifuza gukora neza imibonano mpuzabitsina. Ubushakashatsi bwerekana ko inzoga cg itabi bibuza igitsinagabo gufata umurego kimwe no kugabanya intangangabo mu mubiri. Aho kunywa inzoga, wakwinywera divayi itukura (red wine) nabwo gacye, kuko yo ituma amaraso atembera neza, ariko ibaye nyinshi nayo ituma bitagenda neza.

2.Irinde mu buryo bwose cg ugabanye stress:

ugomba kwirinda cyane stress no gutekereza ibiri hanze y’icyo gikorwa. Stress yangiza ubuzima idasize ubushake bwawe bwo gukora imibonano. Uko stress yiyongera, niko yongera uko umutima utera bityo n’umuvuduko w’amaraso ukiyongera. Ingaruka ziba kubura ubushake bwo gukora imibonano mpuzabitsina. Uburyo bwiza bwo gukemura stress, ni ukubiganira n’umufasha wawe mukareba icyo mwakora, undi muti mwiza wa stress ni sport. Gukora sport bigabanya stress bityo bikongera ubushake bwo kwishimana n’uwo mwashakanye.

3. Irinde kurya ibiryo byinshi:

kurya cyane bitera kugira ubunebwe no kumva usinzira, cyane cyane iyo ibyo wariye birimo ibinyampeke byinshi (umuceri, ibigori, kawunga, makaroni,…). Ushobora ahubwo kwihitiramo imbuto n’amazi ahagije kuko bizagufasha kugira imbaraga.

4.Kwikinisha byo bigendere kure:

cyane cyane ku bagabo kwikinisha cyane igihe kirekire bitera igitsinagabo gutinda gufata umurego. Nubwo hari bamwe bakunda kubikora mbere yo gukora imibonano mpuzabitsina, bagamije kuza gutinda kurangiza nyuma ibi ni bibi cyane, kuko byangiza uburyohe no kwishimana hagati y’abashakanye mu gihe cy’igikorwa.

5.Ugomba kwirinda kunywa ibinyobwa byongera imbaraga (energy drinks):

ushobora kwibwira ko ibi binyobwa byongera imbaraga nyamara sibyo. Birimo isukari igufasha kumva ugize imbaraga igihe gito, ariko birangira wumva warushye cyane, bityo ntube wanashimisha uwo mukorana imibonano mpuzabitsina.

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urukundo

Ibimenyetso bizakwereka ko nubwo umukunzi wawe akwishimira mu buriri ariko atagukunda na gato.

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Ukuri kurababaza ariko nanone akariho karavugwa. Ushobora kuba wibwira ko mukundana ndetse mukanaryamana uvuga uti uyu musore/mugabo ni inshuti nyayo ariko we akaba atagukunda na gato.

Burya rero hari ibimenyetso washingiraho muri gukora imibonano na nyuma yo kuyikora ukamenya ko atagukunda na gato, ahubwo yishakiraga kurangiza byonyine. Ni byo iyi nkuru igiye kuvugaho

1. Arikunda

Niba mu gihe muri mu gikorwa atita ku kugutegura ahubwo akihutira guhita yinjiza igitsina cye mu cyawe, icyo areba ni uko we arangiza, wowe ibyawe ntacyo bimubwiye. Niba adashaka ko nawe wishima, aho rwose burya agufata nk’uwo kurangirizaho irari gusa

2. Nyuma y’imibonano yigira mu bye.

Ubundi umuntu ugukunda niyo mumze gukora imibonano akuguma hafi, ntabwo ahita yigira muri telefoni, cyangwa ngo ahite abyuka agenda. Akuba hafi, akaba akuganiriza, akakuguyaguya, mukaruhuka. Gusa nanone ashobora guhita agenda cyangwa guhugira mu bindi ariko ubizi ko ari akazi ari gukora cyangwa ibindi bibafitiye inyungu mwembi. Ariko niba nta byo, icyo yashakaga yakibonye ushaka wanagenda

3. Mu buriri akora uko abyumva ntakora uko ushaka.

Ubusanzwe umugore wese arihariye. Hari ukunda kunyazwa hakabaho ukunda kwinjira imbere, hari ukunda kuryama hakaba ukunda kwicara, n’ibindi. Iyo mukundana aba azi neza ko wihariye bityo mu kubikora mwumvikana uburyo bikorwamo, ubugushimisha n’ubumushimisha. Ntabwo akurambika ngo abikore uko abishaka gusa, aho aba yagufashe muri rusange ntaba yagufashe nk’aho wihariye.

4. Akora bucece

Ubusanzwe umuntu ugukunda ntabwo ahugira mu gikorwa gusa ahubwo ananyuzamo akajya akuvugisha, akubaza uko uri kubyumva, akubwira uburyo umuryohera, uburyo akwishimiye, n’utundi tugambo twiza dutuma urushaho kwishimira igikorwa. Naho niba akwambura atavuga agakora ibyo akora buragi, akarinda arangiza nta no kukubaza uko ubyumva, ndakurahiye nta rukundo rurimo

5.Ntiyita ku mipaka washyizeho

Umugabo ugukunda aha agaciro amagambo nka “Ba uretse”, cyangwa “Tubikore mu kanya”. ariko niba we akomeza kukwereka ko abishaka atitaye ku mpamvu zawe, mu kuri irari rirusha ingufu ibindi kuri we kandi aramutse agukunda yakumva.

Nubwo aguhaza mu buriri ariko mu mutima wumva atarimo
Bamwe twishuka ko gushimishanya mu buriri bihagije ariko burya ntibiba bihagije mu gihe mu marangamutima mutiyumvanamo. Niba mu mibonano ari ho mukenerana ariko twa tugambo twiza ntimutubwirane, nta mutoma muterana, nta na kimwe gikorwa cyerekana ko mukundana. Aguhamagara gusa mu gihe agushaka ko muryamana ariko ntiyaguhamagara ngo akwifurize ibihe byiza, akubaze uko waramutse…

6.Nta mpinduka

Umuntu mukundana ntibigarukira mu kuryamana gusa ahubwo hazamo iterambere mu mubano. Kabone niyo mwaba mudateganya kubana ariko urukundo ruriyongera rugakura, mbese ukamenya byinshi bye, akamenya byinshi byawe, akakwereka inshuti nawe ukazimwereka, …

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urukundo

Akamaro ko gutereta umuntu utuye kure yawe.

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Abenshi bashobora gutekereza ko gukundana n’umuntu uri kure nta byiza byabyo ariko urubuga elcrema rugaragaza ibyiza byo gukundana n’umuntu ukuri kure ku buryo mubonana buri wese yifuza undi.

1. Ntabwo umuburira akanya

Iyo uziko umuntu mukundana aba kure, ukora uko ushoboye ukamuha agaciro , uko akazi kaba kameze kose ntiwabura umwanya wo kumuvugisha.

2. Byongera icyizere

Icyizere ni ikintu cy’ingenzi hagati y’abakundana kugira ngo urukundo rwanyu rurambe, iyo uziko umuntu aba kure yawe bigufasha gukuza icyizere.Iyo rero uri kure y’uwo ukunda biba bigusaba kugabanya kumukeka ahubwo ukamwizera

3. Umenya ko urukundo rudashingiye ku kuryamana gusa

Icyiza cyo gukundana n’umuntu uri kure yawe nuko umenya gutandukanya urukundo n’imibonano mpuzabitsina

Muri iri iyi minsi bamwe mu bakundana bumva ko urukundo rushingiye ku kuryamana, nyamara ikiba gihangayikishije ku bantu bakundana bari kure si uburyo umwe ataryamana n’undi ahubwo ni uburyo amarangamutima yabo atuma bahora bameze nk’aho bari kumwe.

4. Ubona umwanya wo kwiteza imbere

Umuntu ufite umukunzi kure ye usanga atera imbere abyigejejeho nta kwishingikiriza ku mukunzi we, abasha kandi kwigenga nta gendere buri gihe ku bitekerezo by’uwo bakundana.

Hari nubwo biguha umwanya wo gukora ibyo ukunda utari kubonera umwanya iyo muza kuba muhorana n’inshuti yawe, nko guteka n’utundi turimo tugushimisha.

5. Bituma ushyiramo imbaraga

Iyo inshuti yawe iri kure bituma urushaho gukora cyane kugira ngo nimunabonana uzabe ukimubereye utaramuhararutswe.

Ntabwo utakaza umwanya mupfa utuntu tw’ubusabusa, niyo muhuye buri wese aba afite ibyo kuganira no kunguranaho ibitekerezo.

6. Kuganira biba byiza

Kugira ngo urukundo rwa kure rurambe kuganira no guhanahana amakuru bigomba kwitabwaho kuko niyo nzira iba ishoboka kugira ngo mukomeze kurambana.

Usanga abantu bakundana bari kure, buri munsi baba bafite uburyo bavuganamo, bahanahanamo amakuru bakarushaho kwishimana.

7. Uhinduka umwizerwa

Uba umwizerwa iyo uri kure y’uwo mukundana, ntabwo wifata uko ubonye kuko uba uvuga uti nubwo hari abandi nshobora kuba nakundana nabo ariko abimenye yavuga ko mbitewe nuko ari kure.

Icyo gihe uritwararika kandi bituma uhinduka umwizerwa kuri we kuko niyo yabaza abandi asanga utarahindutse.

8. Iyo mwabonanye murishimana kakahava

Iyo bibaye ngombwa abakundana umwe aba kure y’undi bagahura barishimana, bakaganira ,bagaseka , nta kanya kabo gapfa ubusa.

Umwanya wose bawubyaza umusaruro bakishimira ubuzima kandi ntihabeho guhararukanwa.

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urukundo

Ibyo umugore akwiye kwirinda gukora mu gihe ari gutera akabariro .

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Nubwo koko ibintu bitagenda neza uko byifuzwa, ko nta munoza wo mu gitanda, hari ibintu bimwe na bimwe umugore aba akeneye kumenya mu gihe ari gutera akabariro kugirango we n’uwo bari kumwe babashe kunezezwa n’icyo gikorwa.

Nkuko bimenyerewe ko gutera akabariro biza mu bikorwa bya mbere bikomeza urugo iyo byakozwe neza, ni ngombwa rero ko umugabo cyangwa umugore amenya uburyo bukwiye bwo kwitwara neza mu buriri kugirango iyi ngingo irusheho kuba ipfundo rikomeye ry’urugo rwabo.

1. Gusuzugura ibyifuzo by’umugabo wawe

Mu gihe cyo gutera akabariro burya uko igikorwa kigenda kijya mbere ni nako ibyiyumviro byanyu bigenda bifata indi ntera kandi bikanahindagurika. Niba umugabo akubwiye ngo nkorera utya cyangwa se bigenze utya, wimusuzugura, gerageza gukurikiza ibyo agusabye kuko muri ako kanya aba yumva ari byo bimuganisha aho yifuza, nkuko nawe wabimusaba akabikurikiza.

2. Gushaka ko umugabo ariwe ubanza gukora igikorwa cya mbere

Kenshi na kenshi usanga umugabo ariwe ubanza gukora igikorwa cya mbere cyo gutangiza imibonano mpuzabitsina agakomeza wowe mugore usa n’kaho ntacyo wakora. Kuki udashobora kubimufashamo nawe akumva ko mufatanyije muri icyo gikorwa!. Urugero ugasanga umugabo niwe uri hejuru y’umugore ari gukora igikorwa wenyine naho umugore ariryamiye gusa ameze nk’ingiga y’igiti irambitse.

3. Guhatiriza umugabo ko yakurikiza uburyo bwawe mu gutera akabariro.

Ndabyumva ni byiza kwikunda, ariko ukamenya ko n’undi aba afite uburyo bwe bwo gukora ibintu kandi ankunda. Bityo rero, wowe mugore reka umugabo wawe nawe abe yagira uburyo akwereka bw’uko mwakoreramo imibonano mpuzabitsina.

4. Gushaka gutera akabariro hatabona.

Kuki washaka ko mukora imibonano mpuzabitsina itara rijimije? Abagabo ubundi baba bashaka kureba imiterere yawe myiza wakuyemo n’imyenda yose. Umugabo aramutse adakunda imiterere yawe, yaba yarakwirukanye, bityo rero ntiwarukwiye kuzimya itara mu gihe gukora imibonano mpuzabitsina. Erega niyo umugabo akubonye neza wese wambaye ubusa ya shusho yawe ihora imugarukira hanyuma bikamutera guhora agufitiye ibyiyumviro.

5. Kwitaba telephone muri mu gikorwa cyo gutera akabariro

Cyakora nukuri ibi biba bibabaje by’indengakamere. Ni gute ushobora kwitaba telephone mu gihe muri gukora imibonano mpuzabitsina? Ese kuki udashobora kureka kwitaba telefone kugeza igihe murangirije icyo gikorwa? Inama nziza nuko byaba byiza muzimije telefone zanyu mu gihe mugiye muri icyo gikorwa.

6.Kwambara umupira w’imbeho uryamanye n’umugabo wawe

Biteye agahinda umugabo wawe kukubona uje mu buriri wambaye umupira w’imbeho, Icyo gihe niyo umugabo wawe yaba yarafite ubushake bwo gukora imibonano mpuzabitsina buhita bushira. Gerageza nujya kuryama wambare utwenda tworohereye kandi tubonerana ku buryo umwenda w’imbere ugaragara,icyo gihe bizatera umugabo ubushake bwo gukora imibonano mpuzabitsina ku buryo bwihuse.

7. Kuryama hejuru y’umugabo wawe wegeranyije amaguru

Ibi ntabwo bikwiye na gato, bikwiye guhinduka ku bagore bamwe na bamwe babikora batyo ntacyo bitayeho, kuko bibangamira umugabo ku rwego ruhambaye. ibaze nawe, ni gute ushobora kumera nk’uri guhobera umugabo wawe mu gihe mugiye gukora imibonano mpuzabitsina? Gerageza byibuza umuryame hejuru maze usigemo akanya gato hagati yawe nawe maze n’amaguru use nkuyatagaranya, ibi bizatuma umugabo yongererwa ubushake mu gihe mugiye gukora imibonano mpuzabitsina kandi bitume aryoherwa cyane.

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