HARAGIRIMANA Dieudonne
Mu by’ukuri, nta muntu uba yifuza kuba umunyeshyari mu rukundo ngo abe ari wa muntu uzwiho gufuha cyane. Ifuhe rishobora kwangiza umubano ukomeye w’urukundo. Ifuhe ritera kutizerana no gukekana amababa, rikangiza icyizere umuntu yigirira, yewe ubanza nta keza karyo. Icyakora rero, benshi muri twe nta ngufu dufite zidushoboza kurizitira ngo ritatugerera mu bitekerezo, mu bikorwa n’amagambo tuvuga.
Muri iyi nkuru, twakoze twifashishije urubuga Lifehack, turakugezaho ibanga rikubiye mu bintu umunani wakwifashisha:
1.Jya wizera amakenga yawe
Inama ya mbere yagiriwe abantu bagira ifuhe ariko ritari ngombwa mu by’ukuri, si ba bandi baba bafite impamvu nyayo yo gukeka amababa abo bashakanye (nko kuba umukunzi wawe aganira mu buryo bweruye ibintu wumva birimo guteretana biganisha ku mibonano, kuba hari ubucuti bw’ibanga afite cyangwa akubeshya).
Ni gute wamenya ko umukunzi wawe ari umwizerwa? Igisubizo ni: Niba uri kumukeka muri iyi minsi, ukwiye kwizera amakenga yawe.
Igishoboka cyane ni uko ushobora kuba ukabya ukababazwa n’akantu gato ariko niba umutima wawe ukubwira ko umubano wawe n’umukunzi wawe urimo ikibazo, birashoboka ko gihari koko!
Aha, ujye uganiriza umukunzi wawe umubwire uko wiyumva ariko na none mu buryo butuje kandi umwubashye hanyuma ugere ku ndiba y’ikibazo wumva kibangamiye umubano wanyu.
2.Bara kugeza ku 10
Nta gishimishije kiri mu gufata umukunzi wawe yohereza undi muntu aka ‘SMS’ karimo urwenya rushingiye ku mibonano mpuzabitsina cyangwa ukamwumva avuga ko akunda byasaze icyamamare cy’uburanga. Ariko se ubundi ibi ni ibintu byagatumye umuntu ababara?
Iyo akababaro gatangiye kukuzamukamo kubera ifuhe ukumva utangiye kubyimba boshye Nyiringango ya Nyagahinga muri ya nkera yahigiyemo Rwabugili, aha icyo ukora, funga amaso, uhumeke wiruhutsa maze ubare ugeze ku icumi.
Nyuma y’amasegonda icumi, noneho wibaze niba koko ikintu kiguteye umujinya ari ikintu gikwiye kwangiza umunsi wawe ukirirwa uzinze umunya usa n’intare yiciwe abana.
Aha kandi niwumva ugomba kubibwira umukunzi wawe, ujye ubikora mu bugwaneza. Aho gutera hejuru ngo umusakuze bicike cyangwa use n’umutesha agaciro, ujye ubimubwira mu magambo make uti “Iyo ubigenje utya…, numva ntishimye.”
3.Ubaka ukwizerana
Kwizerana ni ikintu cy’ingenzi gituma umubano w’abakundana urangwa n’ibyishimo, ukanyura abawurimo kandi ukaramba. Kugira ngo utsinde ifuhe mu rukundo, bisaba kugira ikigero gihanitse cyo kwizera umukunzi wawe.
Nk’abakundana, muzamura icyizere mugirirana iyo:
Mutabeshyana
Buri wese yemera kubazwa ku byo yakoze kandi akabivugaho
Muha agaciro kuba hari ibyo mushidikanyaho
Mubwirana uko mwiyumva nta cyo mukinganye
Ugaragaza koko ko ukwiye kwizerwa.
Nimubigenza mutya, wowe n’umukunzi wawe muzarema icyizere kizabafasha kumva mutekanye kandi buri umwe akunzwe mu mubano wanyu.
Icyo ugomba kwibuka ni uko nta muntu utagira amakemwa ubaho, kandi ko iteka ryose hazabaho ibihe umukunzi wawe cyangwa uwo mwashakanye azakubabaza atabigambiriye cyangwa nawe ukabikora. Aha rero, nta cyo bizabangiriza igihe hari ibyabababaje mwembi muretse bikagenda.
4.Bwira umukunzi wawe uko wiyumva
Ibyo wowe n’umukunzi wawe mufata nk’aho ari imyitwarire iboneye mu rukundo hari ubwo biba bitandukanye by’ihabya, iyi rero ni yo mpamvu muba mukwiye kubwirana uko mwiyumva nta cyo mukinganye.
Kugaragaza neza uko wumva ibintu ni intambwe y’ingenzi mu gutsinda ifuhe. Kumenya ibikorwa n’imyitwarire bishobora gukomeretsa umukunzi wawe na we bikaba uko bizabafasha kubaka umubano ushingiye ku bwubahane.
5.Gerageza wikunde
Ifuhe akenshi rishibuka mu kutigirira icyizere no kwigaya. Ushobora kumva ko utari ku rwego rwo kuba ukundwa na runaka cyangwa nyirarunaka nta kintu mu by’ukuri agukurikiyeho. Cyangwa se mu bihe byahise hari uwaguhemukiye bituma wumva utarekurira undi muntu umutima wawe.
Uko byaba bimeze kose, urukundo rugenda neza iyo abarurimo hari urwego rushimishije rwo kwikunda bariho. Iyo wikunze bigufasha kunesha ifuhe. Icyo wakora ngo wongere urwego wikundaho wumve wiyubashye kurushaho ni ugufata umwanya uri wenyine ukiga kwishimira abo muri kumwe, ugafata uneza umubiri wawe, ugakora igishoboka cyose ngo witeze agatambwe kava hano kajya imbere harya.
6.Hindura ibyo wari witeze ku rukundo rwawe
Indi nama yagufasha gutsinda ingeso yo gufuha ni uguhindura ibyo wari witeze ku rukundo rwawe. Ugomba kugenzura ukamenya neza ibyo abantu baba biteze mu rukundo nyamara bitabaho.
Kuba ukundana na runaka mukundana ubu ntibivuga ko watakaje ubushobozi bwo kuba wabona undi mwiza. Kuba hari undi muntu wabona mudakundana ukagira ibyo umukundaho ntibivuga ko hari ikitagenda mu rukundo rwanyu cyangwa se ko udakunda bihagije umukunzi wawe.
Niba umukunzi wawe nta cyo ari gukora ngo yigarurire undi muntu, ibi si ibintu byo guhangayikira.
Menya ko guhindura ibyo wari witeze ku rukundo bidasonanuye kugabanya urwego rwawe. Ntukwiye kuba hamwe n’umuntu utuma wumva utishimiye wowe ubwawe.
7.Jya ufuha mu buryo bwubaka
Ni ingenzi kwibuka ko gufuha iyo bikozwe mu nzira nziza biba atari ikintu kibi.
Gufuha bishobora mu by’ukuri bishobora gufasha abakundana muri ubu buryo:
Gukundana kurushaho/ no kubona umukunzi wawe afite agaciro ku buryo umubuze waba uhombye bityo ntumufate uko wishakiye
Kongera urukundo n’uburyo n’uburyo bwo kwitanaho no kurugaragarizanya
Bituma abakundana bakora ibishoboka byose ngo biteze intambwe buri wese ku giti cye
Bituma buri umwe yongera ingufu ngo ashimishe mugenzi we
Biba nk’intumwa igaragaza igihe ibintu bitameze neza.
Ariko na none uko ugaragaza ifuhe ni byo bituma rifasha mu kubaka ubuzima cyangwa gusenya.
8.Shaka abajyanama
Ese ifuhe riragenda bifata intera ukabona bigiye kurenga urukundo rwanyu?
Akenshi, gufuha biterwa na kimwe mu bintu byabaye ahahise. Birashoboka ko wabayeho ugakurira mu buzima bw’imibereho yaguteye guhungabana cyangwa ukaba warahemukiwe n’umuntu wizeraga akagukomeretsa mu buryo bw’amarangamutima, mu magambo cyangwa ku mubiri. Uko byaba byaragenze kose, kwegera abaganga bita ku burwayi bwo mu mutwe byagufasha.
Gusanga umuganga wabigize umwuga mukaganira imbona nkubone, kuri Zoom cyangwa Skype, cyangwa se ha handi abantu bafite ibibazo bishingiye ku mibanire bahurira bakaganira (chatroom) bishobora kugufasha kumenya umuzi w’ikigutera kurangwa no gufuha bikabije.
Umuganga nk’uyu (therapist) ashobora kandi kukubwira ingamba wakwifashisha uhangana n’umujinya cyangwa ishyari mu bihe bizaza cyangwa se bakaba banakubwira ko ikigutera ifuhe ari impamvu yumvikana.
Niba umukunzi wawe hari icyo yakoze gituma wumva umukeka, wenda yaraguciye inyuma kera, byaba byiza ushatse ubujyanama ku mibanire y’abashakanye/abakundana cyangwa ugatangira amasomo aca kuri interineti yigisha ku mubano hagati y’abashakanye.
