HARAGIRIMANA Dieudonne
Gufatira mu cyuho uwo mwashakanye aryamanye n’undi mugabo ni kimwe mu bintu bibabaza abagabo, bagatangira kwishinja amakosa, kwirengagiza ibyabaye, kurwana n’ibindi, gusa ibi byose nta kintu bishobora kugufasha.
Muri iyi nkuru tugiye kurebera hamwe ibintu bibi udakwiye gukora igihe ufashe uwo mwafashakanye asambana n’undi muntu. Numenya ibyo udakwiye gukora biraza kukwerekeza ku mahitamo wakora igihe wisanze muri iki kibazo.
1.Kubikuza amafaranga yose kuri banki
Iyo ufashe umugore wawe asambana ukajya kuri banki ukamaraho amafaranga ngo umuhime nawe uba atangiye kwihima kuko ayo mafaranga urayasesagura kandi uba warayagezeho akuvunnye.
2.Gusaba ibisobanuro byimbitse
Inzobere mu by’imitekerereze Nicole Prause avuga ko igihe ufashe umugore wawe asambana udakwiye guhita umubaza ibibazo bituma umenya uko igikorwa cyagenze. Mwahuye mute ? Ni gute yagusomye ?. Ngo bituma ikibazo gikomera kurushaho. Ikiza ni ukwirinda kubaza ibisobanuro byimbitse kuko bikuremamo ishusho ishobora kugutera ibibazo byo mu mutwe.
3.Guhubuka
April Davis, washinzwe ikigo gihuza abantu avuga ko ikosa rikomeye umuntu akwiye kwirinda igihe abafitiye mu cyuho umugore we ari ugukoreshwa n’uburakari n’umujinya. Ngo agomba kubanza gutuza agategura icyo agiye kuvuga no gukora.
4.Kwigereranya n’umugabo waguciye inyuma
Dr. Catherine Jackson, inzobere mu by’imibanire y’abakundana avuga ko kwigereranya n’umugabo waguciye inyuma ari bumwe mu buryo bubangukira abagabo igihe bafashe umugore wabo abaca inyuma ariko ngo ubu buryo ntabwo bukemura ikibazo ahubwo butuma nyiri ukwigereranya ababara kurushaho.
4.Kwishinja amakosa
Bamwe babona abo bahaye ikizere babagambaniye bakaryamana n’abandi bagabo bakicuza. Dr. Heather Z. Lyons, umwarimu w’ imitekerereze muri Kaminuza ya Loyola akaba n’umujyanama w’abakundana avuga ko gufata umugore wawe ukishinja amakosa biba bishingiye ku makuru atariyo, cyangwa amakuru y’igice, ngo ni ukwirema agatima ariko ntabwo bishobora kufasha kudakomereka igihe kirekire.
5.Gushyira ubutumwa ku mbuga nkoranyambaga
Imbuga nkoranyambaga zabaye igice cy’ubuzima bw’abantu, hari ubwo wibwira ko nushyira kuri facebook na Instagram ikibazo cyawe bwite uhuye nacyo abantu baragufasha kugikemura ariko sibyo abenshi ni abareba gusa, bityo icyubahiro cyawe ukaba uragitakaje nk’uko bivugwa na Celia Schweyer inzobere mu by’inkundo z’abagabo n’abagore.
6. Guhita utanga imbabazi
Kevin Darné, wanditse igitabo yise My Cat Won’t Bark ! (A Relationship Epiphany), avuga ko umuntu wagize akamenyero guca inyuma umugabo we, iyo afashwe ahita asaba imbabazi, ku buryo umugabo ashobora gusanga yaguye mu mutego wo gutanga imbabazi nyamara ataragira imbaraga zo gutanga imbabazi.
Ibi bimugiraho ingaruka iyo abonye umugore we nubwo yamubabariye ntacyo yakoze cyerekana ko yahindutse nyuma yo kubabarirwa.
7.Ibyanjye nawe birangiriye aha
Darné avuga ko bamwe mu bagabo iyo bafashe abagore babo bahita bavuga ko amasezerano bagiranye arangiye. Ngo ibi ni amakosa kuko hari abo umubano wabo urushaho kuba mwiza kurusha mbere kuko uwakoze ikosa ryo guca inyuma mugenzi we afashe igihe agasanga yarahemutse agasaba imbabazi zimuvuye ku mutima kandi agafata icyemezo cyo kutazongera kubabaza umukunzi we narimwe.
8.Kwihorera
Bamwe mu bagabo iyo bafashe umugore wabo yagiye gusambana ahandi nabo bajya gusambana ahandi, Inzobere Schweyer ati “Ugirango uri kubabaza umugore wawe n’uwo wabafatanye ariko uba uri kwikomeretsa. Ntabwo bishobora kuba igisubizo ahubwo bisenya urugo rwanyu rwari rugifite igaruriro”
9. Kwangiza ibikoresho bye
Schweyer avuga ko iyo ufashe umugore wawe asambana ukagenda ukadukira amafotoye ugashwanyaguza uba utari gukemura ikibazo ahubwo uba uri kurangaza amarangamutima yawe. Ushobora kwikururira ibibazo na polisi zikabizamo ugafungwa kandi washoboraga gutwara ikibazo gake kigakemuka.
10.Kwanga kwemera ibyo ubonye
Bamwe mu bagabo iyo bahuye n’ikibazo cyo gufata umugore wabo abaca inyuma, bahita basubira inyuma bakagerageza kubyiyibagiza. Ubu buryo nabwo ngo sibwiza.
Celia Schweyer inzobere mu bijyanye no guhuza abakundana no guteretana, avuga ko byonyine kumenya ko umukunzi wawe yaguciye inyuma ari bibi ariko ngo ikibi cyane ni ukubakubita ijisho ugahita usubira inyuma udahamagaye umugore wawe mu izina, ngo umwereke ko umukunda kandi ko utishimiye kuba wamutakaza.
