HARAGIRIMANA Dieudonne
Gufatira mu cyuho uwo mwashakanye aryamanye n’undi mugabo ni kimwe mu bintu bibabaza abagabo, bagatangira kwishinja amakosa, kwirengagiza ibyabaye, kurwana n’ibindi, gusa ibi byose nta kintu bishobora kugufasha.
Mu gutegura iyi nkuru hibanzwe ku bintu 16 bibi udakwiye gukora igihe ufashe uwo mwafashakanye asambana n’undi muntu. Numenya ibyo udakwiye gukora biraza kukwerekeza ku mahitamo wakora igihe wisanze muri iki kibazo.
1. Guhubuka
April Davis, washinzwe ikigo gihuza abantu avuga ko ikosa rikomeye umuntu akwiye kwirinda igihe abafitiye mu cyuho umugore we ari ugukoreshwa n’uburakari n’umujinya. Ngo agomba kubanza gutuza agategura icyo agiye kuvuga no gukora.
2. Gusaba ibisobanuro byimbitse
Inzobere mu by’imitekerereze Nicole Prause avuga ko igihe ufashe umugore wawe asambana udakwiye guhita umubaza ibibazo bituma umenya uko igikorwa cyagenze. Mwahuye mute? Ni gute yagusomye?. Ngo bituma ikibazo gikomera kurushaho. Ikiza ni ukwirinda kubaza ibisobanuro byimbitse kuko bikuremamo ishusho ishobora kugutera ibibazo byo mu mutwe.
3.Kwishinja amakosa
Bamwe babona abo bahaye ikizere babagambaniye bakaryamana n’abandi bagabo bakicuza. Dr. Heather Z. Lyons, umwarimu w’ imitekerereze muri Kaminuza ya Loyola akaba n’umujyanama w’abakundana avuga ko gufata umugore wawe ukishinja amakosa biba bishingiye ku makuru atariyo, cyangwa amakuru y’igice, ngo ni ukwirema agatima ariko ntabwo bishobora kufasha kudakomereka igihe kirekire.
4. Kwigereranya n’umugabo waguciye inyuma
Dr. Catherine Jackson, inzobere mu by’imibanire y’abakundana avuga ko kwigereranya n’umugabo waguciye inyuma ari bumwe mu buryo bubangukira abagabo igihe bafashe umugore wabo abaca inyuma ariko ngo ubu buryo ntabwo bukemura ikibazo ahubwo butuma nyiri ukwigereranya ababara kurushaho.
5. Kwanga kwemera ibyo ubonye
Bamwe mu bagabo iyo bahuye n’ikibazo cyo gufata umugore wabo abaca inyuma, bahita basubira inyuma bakagerageza kubyiyibagiza. Ubu buryo nabwo ngo sibwiza.
Celia Schweyer inzobere mu bijyanye no guhuza abakundana no guteretana, avuga ko byonyine kumenya ko umukunzi wawe yaguciye inyuma ari bibi ariko ngo ikibi cyane ni ukubakubita ijisho ugahita usubira inyuma udahamagaye umugore wawe mu izina, ngo umwereke ko umukunda kandi ko utishimiye kuba wamutakaza.
6. Gushyira ubutumwa ku mbuga nkoranyambaga
Imbuga nkoranyambaga zabaye igice cy’ubuzima bw’abantu, hari ubwo wibwira ko nushyira kuri facebook na Instagram ikibazo cyawe bwite uhuye nacyo abantu baragufasha kugikemura ariko sibyo abenshi ni abareba gusa, bityo icyubahiro cyawe ukaba uragitakaje nk’uko bivugwa na Celia Schweyer inzobere mu by’inkundo z’abagabo n’abagore.
7. Guhita utanga imbabazi
Kevin Darné, wanditse igitabo yise My Cat Won’t Bark! (A Relationship Epiphany), avuga ko umuntu wagize akamenyero guca inyuma umugabo we, iyo afashwe ahita asaba imbabazi, ku buryo umugabo ashobora gusanga yaguye mu mutego wo gutanga imbabazi nyamara ataragira imbaraga zo gutanga imbabazi.
Ibi bimugiraho ingaruka iyo abonye umugore we nubwo yamubabariye ntacyo yakoze cyerekana ko yahindutse nyuma yo kubabarirwa.
8. Ibyanjye nawe birangiriye aha
Darné avuga ko bamwe mu bagabo iyo bafashe abagore babo bahita bavuga ko amasezerano bagiranye arangiye. Ngo ibi ni amakosa kuko hari abo umubano wabo urushaho kuba mwiza kurusha mbere kuko uwakoze ikosa ryo guca inyuma mugenzi we afashe igihe agasanga yarahemutse agasaba imbabazi zimuvuye ku mutima kandi agafata icyemezo cyo kutazongera kubabaza umukunzi we narimwe.
9. Kwihorera
Bamwe mu bagabo iyo bafashe umugore wabo yagiye gusambana ahandi nabo bajya gusambana ahandi, Inzobere Schweyer ati “Ugirango uri kubabaza umugore wawe n’uwo wabafatanye ariko uba uri kwikomeretsa. Ntabwo bishobora kuba igisubizo ahubwo bisenya urugo rwanyu rwari rugifite igaruriro”
10. Kwangiza ibikoresho bye
Schweyer avuga ko iyo ufashe umugore wawe asambana ukagenda ukadukira amafotoye ugashwanyaguza uba utari gukemura ikibazo ahubwo uba uri kurangaza amarangamutima yawe. Ushobora kwikururira ibibazo na polisi zikabizamo ugafungwa kandi washoboraga gutwara ikibazo gake kigakemuka.
11. Kubikuza amafaranga yose kuri banki
Iyo ufashe umugore wawe asambana ukajya kuri banki ukamaraho amafaranga ngo umuhime nawe uba atangiye kwihima kuko ayo mafaranga urayasesagura kandi uba warayagezeho akuvunnye.
12. Gufata imyanzuro ikakaye
Lyons avuga ko gucibwa inyuma bikwiye gukemurwa nk’uko bakemura ihungabana, uwaciwe inyuma n’uwaciye inyuma bombi bahura n’iri hungabana umutima ugatera cyane, kurya bikamunanira, igihe wumva ikibazo kikurenze ugomba kureba abajyana mu by’ihungabana.
Iyo umuntu yahungabanye ntabwo ubwonko bwe buba buri tayari ku buryo yafata ibyemezo niyo mpamvu umuntu ufashe umugore asambana akwiye kwirinda guhita afata ibyemezo bikomeye ahubwo agategereza akazabanza agatuza.
13. Kwihisha
Bamwe mu bagabo iyo bafatiye mu cyuho umugore wabo abaca inyuma baratoroka bakajya kwihisha ko kwa nyina. Ibi ngo ni bibi kuko ngo ikibazo uko urushaho kucyegera kirushaho gukemuka.
14. Kwirengagiza amarangamutima
Jackson avuga ko iyo ufashe umugore wawe asambana ukigira nkaho nta cyabaye kugira ngo utababara uyu mwanzuro uba ufashe ari mubi kuko biba bizakugarukamo ukababara nyuma igihe kirekire.
15. Kwemera ko abandi bagutegeka icyo ukora
Ushobora kureba abantu bake barimo inshuti zawe n’abo mu muryango bakamenya ibyabaye ariko ni byiza ko ubanza ukabitekerezaho neza.
Jackson avuga ko ari amakosa kumva ko abandi aribo baragufasha gukemura iki kibazo kurenza uko wowe wakikemurira ati Ukwiriye gufata umwanya wawe ugahitamo uko ikibazo gikemuka udahaye urwaho abantu ngo bagutegeke uko ukemura ikibazo kuko ntibaba bazi icyo uwo muntu asobanuye mu buzima bwawe. Ushobora kuba ukimukeneye kandi nawe akigukeneye” .
16. Kutivuza
Tzlil Hertzberg, inzobere mu buvuzi bukoresha imibonano mpuzabitsina sex therapy avuga ko igihe wumva wananiwe kwakira ko umugore wawe yaguciye inyuma ugomba kujya kwa muganga bakagufasha.
